Superior Saturday Read online

  ‘Stop!’ said Arthur. ‘We’ve seen enough.’

  Scamandros snapped his fingers. The light from Marson’s eyes faded. As the sorcerer bent down and removed the matchsticks, the disembodied head spoke.

  ‘That weren’t so bad.’

  ‘Thank you, Marson,’ said Arthur. He looked at Dame Primus. ‘I am sure you will be well looked after.’

  ‘As you see, Lord Arthur,’ said Dame Primus, ‘some kind of sabotage device of considerable power was used to breach the dam wall. It is likely that many other devices were employed at the same time, because almost the entire length of the dam wall fell. This allowed entry to a titanic surge of Nothing, which annihilated the Far Reaches in four or five minutes.

  ‘Fortunately, the bulwark between the Far Reaches and the Lower House held for several hours, allowing enough time for the evacuation of important records and items, and a fair number of Denizens. Complete destruction of the Lower House followed, with the final remnants succumbing an hour ago. Nothing now presses directly against the lower bulwark of the Middle House.

  ‘In a possibly unrelated complication, when the Piper’s army withdrew, he covered his retreat with an explosion of Nothing that has weakened the barrier mountains here in the Great Maze, and, as always, there is Nothing leeching into the Border Sea. That is why we are both needed. We must use the power of the Keys to delay the destruction of the House.’

  ‘Delay the destruction?’ asked Arthur. ‘Can’t we stop it?’

  ‘I doubt it. But we must hold off the Void long enough for you to claim the last two Keys. Then matters can be arranged in an orderly fashion.’

  ‘You mean that no matter what we do, the House – and the whole Universe beyond – is doomed?’ asked Arthur. ‘It’s only a matter of time?’

  ‘I didn’t say that, Lord Arthur.’ Dame Primus glanced away as she spoke, as if something had caught her eye. ‘You misunderstood me. Once we have stabilised the House, you can gain the Keys, and then we will be in a position to assess the damage and see what can be done.’

  ‘But I thought you said—’

  ‘You misunderstood me,’ Dame Primus repeated smoothly. She looked back at Arthur again and met his gaze. Even more than usual, he felt like a small animal caught in the glare of the headlights of a rapidly approaching truck, but he didn’t look away. ‘Now, where do you wish to commence work? Here, with the mountains, or in the Middle House?’

  ‘Neither,’ said Arthur. ‘Someone put those drills to work, and that someone pretty much has to be Superior Saturday, doesn’t it? Or Lord Sunday, working with her, I suppose, though that bit of paper poor old Ugham had suggests otherwise.’

  ‘What paper?’ Dame Primus asked suspiciously.

  ‘The one signed just with an ‘S’ that said ‘I do not wish to intervene or interfere’ or whatever. It’s in my old coat, I think.’

  ‘Signed merely with a single “S”? That is Lord Sunday’s mark. Superior Saturday, as she calls herself, would not be so humble as to use a single letter.’

  ‘Okay, that just about confirms Sunday’s out of it – for now at least. So we need to make sure that Saturday can’t do anything else. I mean, it’s all very well shoring up the defences, but what if she’s undermining the House somewhere else we don’t even know about?’

  The three Marshals nodded in approval. Attack was the best method of defence, as far as they were concerned.

  ‘I agree that Saturday must be dealt with,’ said Dame Primus. ‘But our first priority must be to reinforce the House! It is not supposed to fall like this. I cannot be in two places at once, so you have to do some of the work. When what we hold of the House is secure, then we can talk about freeing Part Six of myself and confronting Saturday. Not before!’

  ‘You can’t be in two places at once,’ said Arthur thoughtfully, almost to himself.

  ‘I beg your pardon?’ Dame Primus bent forward a little, as if to hear Arthur better.

  ‘You can’t be in two places at once,’ Arthur repeated loudly. ‘Yet we have five Keys between us, and once you were five separate beings. Is it possible for you to become two?’

  Dame Primus frowned even more.

  ‘I mean two of you, with an equal mix of all parts of the Will,’ Arthur added hurriedly. Most of the individual parts of the Will were quite unbalanced, some of them dangerously so. He didn’t want the snaky, judgmental Part Four off on its own, for example.

  ‘It . . . is . . . possible,’ said Dame Primus. ‘But not at all recommended. We would do much better—’

  ‘And you can join back together again?’ Arthur was not giving up on the idea so easily.

  Dame Primus nodded stiffly.

  ‘Okay, then you can split into two and each half of you can take two Keys and go fix up whatever needs fixing up,’ said Arthur. ‘Or, hey, you could split into four and take a Key each—’

  ‘I will not divide myself so much,’ said Dame Primus furiously. ‘It would merely offer a target for Saturday or even the Piper, who might well overcome such a fraction of myself and wrest the Keys from our control.’

  ‘Two, then,’ said Arthur. ‘Dame Primus and Dame . . . uh . . . Two?’

  ‘Secundus,’ whispered Scamandros.

  ‘This is not a good idea, Arthur,’ said Dame Primus. ‘To lessen my power by half is foolish in the extreme. And if you think this will allow you to return to your Secondary Realm, then you have failed to consider your own transformation, and the effect you will have—’

  ‘I’m not going back home,’ Arthur interrupted coldly. ‘At least not yet. Like I said, we need to deal with Superior Saturday. That means freeing Part Six of the Will to start with, so please tell me – do you know where it is? I know you can sense the other parts of yourself.’

  Dame Primus straightened up.

  ‘Part Six of myself is definitely somewhere within the Upper House. I do not know where exactly, and I have no means of finding out. The Upper House has been closed to us by means of sorcery. No elevators go there now, there are no telephone connections, and the Front Door remains firmly shut. So once again, even if it was in our best interests for you to go there, it is not possible, and you would do better to help me and not make foolish – that is to say, naive – suggestions about me dividing myself.’

  ‘There’s no way there at all?’ asked Arthur. ‘What about the Improbable – no, I’d have to have visited there before. Same for the Fifth Key . . .’

  ‘As I said, there is no way,’ Dame Primus insisted. ‘Once again illustrating that I know best, Arthur. You must remember that although you are the Rightful Heir, you were just a mortal boy not so long ago. No one can expect you to have the wisdom—’

  Arthur ignored her. Another plan had just occurred to him. ‘There might be a way,’ he said. ‘I’ll have to go and check it out.’

  ‘What?’ asked Dame Primus, indignant. ‘What way? Even if you could get to the Upper House, you must remember that Saturday has thousands of sorcerers, perhaps even tens of thousands. Acting in concert and directed by her, they could easily overcome you, take you prisoner—’

  ‘I’m not just going to charge in,’ said Arthur. He was getting increasingly tired of Dame Primus’s objections. ‘In fact, if I can get there the way I’m thinking, it will be a very sneaky approach. Anyway, we’re wasting time. You need to split into two, Dame Primus, and get to work. I have to head over to the Border Sea.’

  ‘This is all too hasty!’ protested Dame Primus. ‘What can you possibly want in the Border Sea?’

  ‘The Raised Rats.’

  Dame Primus took in an outraged breath and her frown got so deep, her eyebrows almost met in a huddle above her nose.

  ‘The Raised Rats are agents of the Piper! Like the Piper’s children, they are not to be trusted! They are to be hunted down and exterminated!’

  ‘Old Primey got her undergarments in a twist again,’ said a voice behind him. He turned and smiled as he saw his friend Suzy Turquoise Blue expertly slide be
tween two Denizens to stand next to him.

  ‘Suzy! What on earth are you wearing?’

  ‘M’uniform,’ said Suzy. She raised her battered top hat, which now had two oversize gold epaulettes sewn to the back like a sun-cape, and bowed. The half-dozen probably unearned medals on her red regimental coat (that had the sleeves cut off to show her yellow shirt) jangled as she made a bow, and the leg she thrust forward creaked, since she was also wearing the same kind of leather breeches as Arthur, which he had thought were exclusive to Sir Thursday. Her boots were red and did not resemble those in any uniform that Arthur had learnt about in his recruit training. Neither did the iridescent-green-scaled belt she wore, though the savage-sword at her side was in a regulation sheath.

  Arthur blinked, not least because there were several other Piper’s children clad in similar strange combinations standing behind Suzy.

  ‘Suzy’s Raiders,’ Suzy said, seeing him look. ‘Irregulars. Marshal Dusk signed off on it. Told ’im it was your idea.’

  ‘My idea,’ Arthur started to say, but he bit off his words as he saw Suzy wiggling her eyebrows at him.

  ‘On account of the Piper’s children bein’ under a cloud, so to speak,’ added Suzy. ‘Better to ’ave us all in one lot. Easier to watch, that way. If Old Prim – I mean, if Dame Primus wants to knock us off.’

  ‘It’s not a personal matter, Miss Blue,’ said Dame Primus with a sniff. ‘I am merely doing whatever is necessary to ensure Lord Arthur’s eventual triumph. You yourself have fallen under the spell of the Piper’s music once. Ensuring that it doesn’t happen again is simply common sense.’

  ‘You don’t have to kill us,’ said Suzy, bristling. She rummaged in her pockets and produced two ugly grey stumps of candle wax. ‘We can just stick this ’ere wax in our ears and we won’t be able to hear the pipe! Besides, it’s General Turquoise Blue now!’

  Dame Primus snorted and was about to speak when Arthur held up his hand.

  ‘I’ve already given orders that no Piper’s children are to be harmed,’ he said. ‘Neither are the Raised Rats, provided they do not act against us. Now, I am going to see the Rats. They owe me a question, and I owe them an answer, so I’m sure they will at least negotiate. Dame Primus, Marshals, everyone, please carry on as we have discussed. Doctor Scamandros, would you mind coming with me?’

  ‘Certainly, Lord Arthur, certainly,’ puffed Dr Scamandros. ‘Ah, do you intend to use the Fifth Key again?’

  ‘It’s the quickest way,’ said Arthur. ‘I can go straight to the Rattus Navis IV. I can probably see out of the reflection of the silver jug they had. What, Suzy?’

  Suzy was tugging at his sleeve.

  ‘I’m coming too, right? To see the Rats and then sort out Saturday?’

  ‘You probably should stay and look after the Piper’s child—’

  ‘Stay! Just because you’ve got taller than’s sensible and your teeth all shined up doesn’t mean you can do without me! Who’s saved your bacon a mort of times?’

  ‘I perhaps should advise you, Lord Arthur, that I felt quite a level of resistance when we travelled here,’ said Scamandros. ‘Indeed, I was almost hurled back. It might be more prudent to take the elevator to Port Wednesday and send for the Raised Rats.’

  ‘There isn’t time,’ said Arthur. ‘But I think I will need you, so if you can bear it—’

  ‘I will attend you,’ said Scamandros. ‘I will hold on more tightly this time, though you now lack coattails. If I may take your arm?’

  ‘What about me?’ Suzy demanded.

  ‘Yes, you can come too,’ Arthur told her. ‘At least to talk to the Rats.’

  Arthur offered one arm to Dr Scamandros and the other to Suzy, though this made it difficult to hold up the Fifth Key. He was about to gaze into it when he hesitated and looked across at Dame Primus. She had gone back to the map table and was studying it, giving no sign that she was about to split in two and do as he asked.

  Arthur had also remembered something else.

  ‘Dame Primus!’ he called out. ‘Before you do split into two, I would like The Compleat Atlas of the House back again. I expect it will also be very useful.’

  Dame Primus kept looking at the table and did not turn her head to speak.

  ‘The Atlas has a mind of its own,’ she said. ‘I believe it was last seen in the Middle House, probably getting a new binding put on without visible assistance. I expect it will return here in due course, or it will find you wherever you are. I suggest that you check any bookshelves you happen to be near.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Arthur, and then it struck him.

  She’s lying to me, he thought. Or avoiding the truth. I wonder why she doesn’t want me to have the Atlas? It could be very useful. But she can’t look me in the eye and lie –

  Marshal Dawn erupted from her desk and rushed across the room, brandishing a message slip and calling, ‘Dame Primus! There is a small geyser of Nothing reported near Letterer’s Lark!’

  Dame Primus took the slip.

  ‘You see, Arthur! Well, if you will not go, then I must do as you ask. Marshal Dawn, prepare an escort and the private elevator!’

  Dawn saluted and rushed away. There was a hush in the room as everyone watched Dame Primus, a hush that immediately dissipated as she looked about her, a deep frown on her face. Frenetic activity resumed everywhere, apart from a quiet space around Dame Primus and another around Arthur, Suzy and Scamandros.

  ‘Reckon this’ll be worth seeing,’ muttered Suzy. ‘Think she’ll split in half and wriggle like a worm?’

  Arthur shook his head. That would be too undignified for Dame Primus.

  As they watched, she took a step forward, and as she did so, she blurred and diminished, as if she’d walked into a hole in the ground. Then a smaller version of herself walked ahead, leaving a second smaller version behind, so that there were two seven-foot-tall Dame Primuses standing in a line, instead of one eight-foot-plus version. They looked identical and were dressed exactly the same, but one had the clock-sword of the First Key and the trident of the Third Key, and the other had the gauntlets of the Second Key and the baton of the Fourth.

  The two embodiments of the Will turned to each other and curtsied.

  ‘Dame Quarto,’ said the one who had the sword and the gauntlets.

  ‘Dame Septum,’ said the one who had the trident and the baton.

  ‘Hmmph,’ whispered Scamandros. ‘Self-aggrandisement. They’ve added one and three, and two and five. Trying to make the sum of the whole greater, I suppose.’

  Quarto and Septum turned and curtsied to Arthur.

  ‘Lord Arthur,’ they chorused.

  ‘Hello,’ said Arthur. ‘Thank you for splitting. I guess we’d all better get on with it.’

  ‘Indeed,’ said Dame Quarto.

  ‘We had,’ added Dame Septum. She raised her hand and dramatically announced, ‘I shall attend to the Middle House!’

  ‘And I to the mountains!’ declared Dame Quarto, and both strode from the room.

  ‘And I to . . . sorting out Superior Saturday,’ said Arthur. Somehow it didn’t sound the same. He raised the mirror and concentrated on looking through it and out of the reflection in the silver jug in the stern cabin of the Rattus Navis IV. He would soon find himself wherever the ship might be upon the strange waters of the Border Sea.

  SEVEN

  IT WAS MUCH harder going through the doorway with two people hanging on, and for a fearful moment Arthur thought all three of them would be thrown back, and not to the safety of the Citadel, but somewhere else not of his choosing. The ground swayed unsteadily beneath his feet, the light dazzled his eyes, and Suzy and Scamandros felt like enormous lead weights dragging his arms back and down. But he kept pushing forward, his total concentration on reaching his goal. He could half-see the table and chairs in the big cabin on the Rattus Navis IV. Even though it looked just a step away, it was almost impossible to reach.

  Then, with a Herculean effort that left Arthur sweating and
gasping, they fell out onto the tilted-over floor of the ship and slid across the floorboards into the starboard hull. Then, as the ship rolled back the other way and pitched forward, they slid diagonally across to the port side, smacked into the table, and sent the silver jug clanging onto the deck.

  As they got up and grabbed hold of whatever they could to stay upright, the door burst open and a Newnith soldier gaped in the doorway.

  ‘Boarders!’ he shouted as he drew a sparking dagger from the sheath at his belt. ‘The enemy!’

  Scamandros reached into his sleeve and came out with a tiny cocktail fork with a pickled onion on it, which he didn’t expect and hurriedly replaced.

  Suzy drew her savage-sword at the same time, but the Newnith was quicker and had his sea legs. He rushed at Arthur, who instinctively raised his arm to protect himself, even though an arm would be no real protection from a long dagger that was spewing out white-hot sparks.

  But it was his right arm, and in his right hand Arthur held the Fifth Key. Before the Newnith could fully complete his downward cut at the boy, there was a brilliant flash of light, a sudden, strange chemical stench, a stifled scream, and then just a pair of smoking boots on the deck where the Newnith had been.

  Arthur felt a surge of annoyance.

  How dare these pathetic creatures attack me? he thought. How dare they! I shall walk among them and wreak havoc . . .

  Arthur shook his head and took a breath, forcing this arrogant temper tantrum back to wherever it had come from. He was frightened by it, frightened that he could get so angry, and that his immediate response was to attack.

  As the rage lessened, he became aware that his arm hurt quite a lot.

  ‘Ouch!’ he exclaimed. The point of the Newnith’s dagger had made contact with him after all. He rolled his arm over to get a better look, and saw that it had done more than just scratch the skin. There was a six-inch-long incision in his forearm, and it looked cut to the bone. Yet even as he looked, the cut closed up, leaving only a very faint white scar. Arthur wiped off what little blood there was with his left hand, and tried not to notice that it was neither red like a normal human’s nor blue like a Denizen’s. It was golden, like a deep, rich honey, and that was almost more painful to him than the cut itself. Whatever he was becoming was very strange indeed.